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is it wrong to give my daughters boyfriend a ring to give her as a promise ring?
charmed asked:
he is leaving to go in the army and he wants to give her a promise ring, he currently does not have any money. I have a small but nice ring that was my mothers and I offered it to him to give to her. He was excited I offered it but I just dont know if this is right. Please give me some thoughts
he is leaving to go in the army and he wants to give her a promise ring, he currently does not have any money. I have a small but nice ring that was my mothers and I offered it to him to give to her. He was excited I offered it but I just dont know if this is right. Please give me some thoughts
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5. December 2008 at 9:19 am :
i think that was very nice of you..and it should mean alot to ALL envolved (your daughter, future son-in-law and you)..
6. December 2008 at 12:38 am :
I think it is a charming idea.
7. December 2008 at 10:22 am :
I think it is a wonderful gesture! It would mean a lot to me if my mother did something like that.
10. December 2008 at 2:39 am :
I think it’s a wonderful thought- I am not sure about your resistance… are you worried about if they brake up and not getting it back? Your gesture is lovely- I am not sure what “right” means. I am sure she would be happy with it- I am sure she knows that he doesn’t have the money and it’s lovely to give family heirlooms.
11. December 2008 at 3:19 pm :
If the ring was your mother’s then I’d guess it’s safe to say that your daughter has seen it already. As such, I don’t think it’s a good thing for you to give it to him to give to her. If it’s a family heirloom, it should be passed from generation to generation …. ie you should be the one to give it to her. If he truly wants to make a promise to her, tell him to purchase the ring when he gets some money. Military personnel get paid. So after basic training, before he deploys to whatever base he’ll be assigned to, he can buy her the ring then. If he really wants to do something now, tell him to be creative. I know a couple that’s been married for over 12 years & his first proposal was with a ring made of aluminum foil cuz that’s all they could afford at the time!
15. December 2008 at 1:50 am :
As long as the idea to give a ring was his, I think it is wonderful!
My friend’s dad gave him his mother’s engagement ring to propose with. Sometimes it adds value if there is sentiment behind it.
I hope everything works out for them
18. December 2008 at 5:31 am :
rings do not help in keeping promise but faith does!
20. December 2008 at 9:37 pm :
I wear my grandmothers diamond that my grandfather gave to her as a gift the day my dad was born (her 7th child), my father gave it to my husband when he asked for permission to marry me. This ring is so much more special to me because of the history involved in its past and I look forward to being able to hand it down again to my granddaughter as it will have 2 happy marriages and healthy children associated with it. It is very special to be able to give such a gift to your daughter and I think you are doing the right thing.
Best of luck and may he be safe and return to you all in the same shape that you sent him.
22. December 2008 at 7:27 am :
I would say no. My first reaction was to just say definitely NO! It smacks of your attempt at coercing the young man to commit to your daughter. However, there could be some possible justification - I just can’t think of any.
Just remember a promise ring is not a real commitment. A family heirloom has more value when passed from parent to child.
If this soldier wants to give a ring, there are many inexpensive solutions. He just needs to put a bit of work into the problem. Department stores and post exchanges abound with sterling silver or gold filled rings that look beautiful and will mean so much more to the recipient. Maybe he can get an heirloom from one of his parents to pass onto this woman he loves so much - THAT would be a much more romantic solution.
A ring that comes from you just shows that the young man is good at manipulation. Will you pay their rent when he/they can’t afford that?
25. December 2008 at 6:19 pm :
No……I don’t think it’s wrong, because the ring is just a symbol of the promise……the acutal promise has the real power.
26. December 2008 at 4:28 am :
I don’t think so but however its not a ring “from” him. it would be really from you as its from your mother. Why not offer instead to take him for him to pick out a ring with in a budget. A promise ring does NOT need to be a diamond, can be just a plain band.
I think your daughter would love that rather then a ring that was picked out for him.
27. December 2008 at 2:36 am :
very sweet your daughter is getting the sentiment from her b/f and a family heirloom as well.
27. December 2008 at 7:34 pm :
I think giving your mother’s ring to your daughter is a lovely gesture. It’s my opinion that it should be given to her by you. I know you want to help him out, but I feel it should be up to him to get her a ring that is from him and symbolizes his commitment to her and a promise to marry. Your mother’s ring has a different meaning. I am not saying that your suggestion is wrong, it is sweet but she may feel differently about it.
30. December 2008 at 8:38 pm :
That’s very sweet of you. Many women wear family rings (either from their own family or their future husband’s) as engagement rings, so I don’t see any problem with using one as a promise ring.
1. January 2009 at 3:35 am :
in my opinion…
my husband and i have been through financial ups and downs- but i know that if it came down to it he would work 3 jobs if thats what it took to keep our family afloat, as would i.
i think its important for a man (any man, in the service or not. and i can say that, i’m a marine wife), when presenting a gift of promise, to have worked for that himself.
i think your questioning of this may have something to do with worry… maybe a worry this may become a habit?
3. January 2009 at 9:08 pm :
Sounds perfect!