Parents: Would you be upset if a guy didn’t ask before giving a promise ring to your daughter?
Hey, I asked this in another area and got a lot of mixed opinions, so I wanted to ask actual parents.
I’m planning on giving my girlfriend of one year a promise ring. There are definite reasons why we aren’t going for an engagement ring: 1.) She doesn’t want to be engaged before she turns 20, and she’ll be a month shy of that… 2.) She still has another year and a half of college left, and I don’t want her mixing school and wedding planning when she can’t handle that, and 3.) I want to be more settled financially before taking that step.
Everyone in my other question seems to be in agreement that it’s not as big of a deal because a promise ring is between her and me. But my question is…. in this situation, would you be more upset if I didn’t say anything to you as a parent about this, or would it be better not to bring it up (because it might create anxiety thinking about having your only daughter one day moving out). Please be honest, I want to do this the RIGHT way.
23. September 2008 at 9:20 pm :
Well, if you’re concerned, I think it would rack up serious points in your corner to let her parents know what your intentions are. You sound like a good guy, w/ a reasonable plan, and if her parents are nice, I don’t see a problem.
My husband actually didn’t ask permission to marry me (b/c my parents are crazy) but my parents got over it, and they love him.
Think about what they might say, and if they happened to say no, would it change your decision? If not, you might not want to ask, b/c if you ask and they say no, and then you do it anyway, that’s a bit more sticky of a situation.
“It’s easier to ask forgiveness than permission”
24. September 2008 at 2:35 am :
A promise ring is between you and her. I would say, once you decide to get engaged formally, let both your parents know (I don’t know about the asking for permission thing. You are both legal adults. Why do you need to ask permission?). As a parent, I wouldn’t get upset about not knowing about a promise ring but I would want ot know ASAP about an engagement, whether I was the parent of the son or the daughter!
26. September 2008 at 5:17 am :
3) If you want to be more settled financially, give her a promise savings bond
29. September 2008 at 3:28 pm :
A promise ring is not an engagement ring. It’s only a pre-cursor to it, so I would say go for it. But when you do get her that engagement ring, then I would say talk to her parents?
1. October 2008 at 11:39 pm :
Make your intentions pefectly clear to the parents and you will gain there respect.
You dont want them confused when they see the ring.
5. October 2008 at 7:45 am :
I am a parent and this is just my opinion. I would not be upset if you gave my child a promise ring and didnt ask. After all a promise ring in my opinion is that you just promise to be faithful to her. Now on the other hand if you gave her an engagement ring I would not be upset if you didnt ask either. I mean after all how many men ask get told NO and then ask the girl anyway? If you want to rack up brownie points(if you need them) then ask but the decisions your making as an adult are between the two of you, you shouldnt need permission from her family.
6. October 2008 at 5:14 am :
I would like it honestly to know if my sons were to give away a promise ring to a girl. That is some serious steps! No, it’s not an engagement ring, BUT it is suppose to lead towards that! I would get to know her parents a bit more, and talk to them honestly I would repect that so much more! Good Luck on your decision! ~T~
P.S. I wouldn’t pressure her either
8. October 2008 at 5:27 pm :
As a parent of two daughters, I don’t think you need, and the focus is on the word need, the parents approval of giving their daughter a promise ring. However, after you have given the ring to your girlfriend, respect for the parents should steer you with your girlfriend into the soonest opportunity to meet with them, maybe over dinner out (your treat) and let them know what the promise ring means and your intentions for the future.
9. October 2008 at 3:54 am :
I think it would be great to let her parents in on the surprise. Let them know exactly where you are coming from…she’s young, she hasn’t finished college yet, and you want to be more financially secure…but, the two of you are serious and you would like to give her this ring. I think her parents will appreciate your honestly. Good luck.
9. October 2008 at 7:10 am :
you are of age no need to ask
11. October 2008 at 3:14 pm :
Well…my daughter is only 5, so I have some time before I really have to think about this, but right now I would say that it’s between her and her bf.
I think it would be respectful of you to ask, but not really necessary. Just be warned…the first boy that tries to take my daddy’s girl will probably be staring down the barrel of a shotgun…lol.
11. October 2008 at 7:42 pm :
My ex gave me a promise ring within 2 weeks of us being together (should of been a reg flag i know). He didn’t ask my parents or tell them, he actually took me, he said were going out to the store, took me to the jewelry store and gave me a limit (that i went over with his help) and came home with it and showed it to my parents, my mom thought it was so sweet, my dad i think had a hissy fit to my mom but oh well he got over it. He did ask my parents on the engagement part that i did accept and break. I insisted on it, tradition is important, its important because you want to start off with tradition so you will continue it with your family you one day will have.
13. October 2008 at 11:38 am :
No, the parents should be glad you have long-terms plans with her.
13. October 2008 at 4:21 pm :
I’d be offended if a guy who was dating my daughter asked me about making a commitment to her. My daughter is not my property, not at 2 and she certainly won’t be at 19. I should hope that she can decide her own life by then and choose whether she wants to come to me for advice or to discuss things or not. The whole “asking for her hand in marriage” thing smacks of paternalism and misogyny.
15. October 2008 at 11:01 am :
I agree with Mama Paq - the idea of asking a parent for the daughter’s hand in marriage is very antiquated. The only reason it ever existed was because women were legally considered property, and father’s basically sold their daughter to a husband.
15. October 2008 at 10:55 pm :
no i would not but i think it be nices if you talked to me about it but i be ok with it if you just gave it to her with out asking i see nothing wrong with it.
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